At every performance of my Fringe show, the three life lessons from the Spanish Film Festival got laughs:
If a man keeps sending you flowers, he’s probably going to die soon, so don’t make any effort.
(From the Spanish movie Flowers)
A room in a Colombian love hotel is brighter than a room in a Buenos Aires love hotel.
(From the Argentine-Colombian-French-Polish-German movie Refugee and Colombian-Spanish movie Ciudad Delirio)
If a girl says she’s your long-lost daughter, don’t worry about child support, just give her a weather vane and she’ll go away happy.
(From the Argentine movie Natural Sciences)
Here are another 15:
Love conquers the age barrier, if you have a shiny new car and a house with a panoramic view of Barcelona.
(From the Spanish movie Sorry If I Call You Love)
Be nice to older women on long haul buses, because you’ll always have a place to stay when you’re mistaken for a Basque terrorist.
(From the Spanish movie Spanish Affair)
If a woman claims to be your long lost sister don’t push her away since she might be a rich Bollywood star who can give you money so you can stop working as a research scientist and marry the cute video store assistant boyfriend who can’t afford a flat in the heart of Barcelona.
(From the Spanish-Indian movie Traces of Sandalwood)
It’s okay to get lost in the Mexican jungle because a handsome Argentine doctor will rescue you.
(From the Mexican movie Get Married if you Can)
Costa Rica is a good destination for Russian drug dealers under house arrest in England who want to escape with their Japanese girlfriends.
(From the Chilean movie I Am From Chile, set in London)
If you jump out of a building to save a baby from drowning, it’s good if a Hollywood director is watching.
(From the Mexican movie Instructions Not Included, set largely in the United States)
A mannequin with a dress on it might be the dead body of the ex-fiancée of the guy the dressmaker is holding prisoner.
(From the Spanish movie Shrew’s Nest)
If you get engaged to a woman, destroy the evidence that you fancied her sister.
(From the Mexican movie Get Married if you Can)
If you get caught stealing a rich woman’s money, start crying and she’ll take you on holiday to a fancy house with a big swimming pool.
(From the Colombian-French movie Gente de Bien)
If your employer hasn’t paid you in three months, it might be time to look for another job.
(From the Spanish movie Aces)
If you’re a policeman on the take, it might sound suspicious if your daughter’s school fees are more than your entire salary.
(From the Spanish movie El Niño)
If your grandad seems like a nasty control freak, he probably is, but it won’t be long before he gets murdered.
(From the Colombian movie Dust on the Tongue)
If your son has committed a serious criminal offence, and you bribe your servant to take the rap for it, make sure you offer the servant more money than you offer your lawyer.
(From the Argentine-Spanish movie Wild Tales)
If you win a plane ticket as a prize, it’s probably part of an elaborate scheme by an awful musician to get revenge on everyone who did something bad to him.
(From the Argentine-Spanish movie Wild Tales)
It’s more comfortable to smuggle yourself into France on a goods train than underneath a truck.
(From the Spanish movie Hidden Away)
